To Wit: An E-zine On How To Be a Wit
11/11/2007

This is an E-zine from Thomas Christopher on how to be witty.

WITTY SELF-EXPRESSION PRODUCTS

I'm offering T-shirts and other self-expression products designed using the techniques discussed here. I've set up an online "store" at CafePress.com: www.CafePress.com/wittyexpression My portal site to CafePress and Printfection.com is wittyselfexpression.com. I expect to use many of the designs as examples in this e-zine.

OPEN CIRCLE STATEMENT RESTATED

One of the places where you want powerful, memorable words is in a statement of the principles and purposes of an organization. Typically, these statements are written by a group to convey the desired meaning, but with little thought to the sound or the feeling.

Does it matter? Would it make a difference if the statements were written using the rhetorical techniques discussed in this e-zine? Let’s see.

Here is a statement used by the Open Circle Unitarian Universalist congregation of Boulder, Colorado. [www.opencircleuu.org, 303-313-1935, services 4:30PM Sundays at 2650 Table Mesa Drive, Boulder]

We are a growing Unitarian Universalist community that:

• Gathers to support one another in individual and community transformation
• Values the inherent worth and dignity of every human being
• Celebrates the interdependent web of life
• Explores the spirituality of justice-making in an intentionally multicultural, anti racist, anti-oppressive pluralistic community.

This is a form to be read to oneself, rather than to be read out loud. A spoken version would not have bullet points—there is no good way to say a bullet. The original also is dense with abstract words. The fourth bullet point is particularly dense and includes a couple of negatives, which gives it a slightly angry feel. I got an informal go-ahead to attempt a rewrite.

A spoken form would include repetition, including replacing bullets with a word or phrase (anaphora). A spoken version would use more vivid words. A spoken version would elaborate on the ideas to try to make the vision more concrete.

Here is a first attempt at a rewrite:

We support each other as we transform the world.
We support each other as we transform ourselves.
We are awed by the dignity and worth of each human being.
We celebrate the interdependent web of life.
We love the mix of cultures that brings the flowering of civilizations.
We delight in all races and all the beautiful ways of being human.
We share the joy of unfettered people in their lives and accomplishments.
We embrace the challenges and complexities of a pluralistic community and the personal growth that it calls for.
We are a growing Unitarian Universalist community.

This could use some more work. It needs some vivid metaphors. There remain some abstract terms that could be made concrete. For example, what is meant by “transform”? Something like “heal” or “mend,” or something like “renew” or “create,” or something else? I didn’t know what to make of “spirituality of justice-making.” Also, what are the envisioned benefits of a “multicultural, anti racist, anti-oppressive pluralistic community”? I put in benefits that occurred to me.

One of the members of Open Circle exchanged email with me about the rewrite. He wasn’t wild about “civilizations flowering.“ He had caught me here. I particularly love creativity and creative groups, and what I personally love about the mix of cultures is the creativity it brings. "Flowering" is a metaphor -- albeit stale -- that expresses this. He suggested "We love the mix of cultures that allows us to widen and grow."

If we replace the flowering civilizations line, then we have two quite similar lines:

We love the mix of cultures that allows us to widen and grow.
We embrace the challenges and complexities of a pluralistic community that help us grow as persons.

We should eliminate one of them, or pick a different consequence for one or the other.

Neither was he keen about ending a sentence with a preposition. He proposed replacing "calls for" with "causes." We went back and forth about this. I quoted Winston Churchill. When Churchill was criticized for the same thing, he responded, "That is the sort of errant pedantry up with which I shall not put." He responded that if Churchill weren't being facetious, he could well have said, "I shall not put up with such errant pedantry."

Neither of us cared for “We are a growing Unitarian Universalist community.” He pointed out it was an anticlimax. I had thought of leaving the statement out, figuring that it was there mainly to set up the bullet points. I placed it at the end as a statement of the consequence of the Open Circle's passions and actions. It could just as well go at the beginning, and have the rest of the items, in effect, elaborate on it. It’s probably better just to remove it.

Taking those preferences into account, we get this:

We support each other as we transform the world.
We support each other as we transform ourselves.
We are awed by the dignity and worth of each human being.
We celebrate the interdependent web of life.
We love the mix of cultures and the creativity that it brings.
We delight in all races and all the beautiful ways of being human.
We share the joy of unfettered people in their lives and accomplishments.
We embrace the challenges and complexities of a pluralistic community that help us grow as persons.

This is how it stands at the moment. I’m still trying to sneak a reference to creativity in to it. The statement needs to be a community vision, so creativity may have to go. It still could use some vivid metaphors.

Nevertheless, do you agree that this version is a more powerful statement?

Visit our web site at www.toolsofwit.com
To unsubscribe, send an e-mail request to tc-a@toolsofwit.com with the subject line: Unsubscribe.