STORIES

Be aware of the importance of storytelling. We tell stories all the time. If you want people to remember what you say, find the right story for it.

Do you doubt that stories are of central importance to us? Consider this, there is a tiny story in every transitive verb: it says somebody or something did something involving some other people or things. We retell the story every time we use the verb, although usually with a different cast of characters. And we can't deny these stories have meaning, unless we wish to deny that sentences have meanings.

It is the same for longer stories. We retell the same general story over and over. It expresses how things are, or at least how we think things are.

AMERICA IS THE FRONTIER

A story of central importance to a group of people is technically called a "myth." Myths tell them who they are and how they ought to behave.

I met an Italian at a party (whose name I immediately forgot, of course). He explained Americans to me by referring to a story Americans tell.

Central to being an American is the story of the Frontier, how we conquered the Continent. We repeat it in novels, songs, movies, TV shows and more. The Italian used this to explain Americans' mobility, loneliness and unusual "nuclear" family structure (most places in the world emphasize extended families).

When Americans were filling the continent, a couple would move to the frontier, settle on some land, farm, and raise their children. Once every couple of weeks, they would get in their wagon, ride into town, and get supplies. When the children got old enough, they would marry and move to the new frontier and settle on some land of their own.

They still do it. Now they live in suburbia on a little plot of land and raise their kids. Every few days they get in the station wagon and drive to the shopping center to buy supplies. When the kids get old enough and go off to college, they go to a college as far away from home as possible. There they get married and again move on to their own plot of land in their own suburbia to raise their own children.

Adult Americans look back on college as the happiest days of their lives, not realizing that that was the only time in their lives they were members of a community.

We retell the stories of the frontier, the immigrants, the pioneers. All those repetitions are characteristic of myths. What do we do under this myth? We move away from our extended family to follow our careers. We build nuclear families that are easy to move, if we build families at all. We don't take care of where we live -- we don't stay, so what if we pollute it? And now -- "Space, the final frontier."

LIFE STORIES

Each of us has a story that is centrally important to our lives, which we are forever telling and interpreting: Our life stories. Just consider all the things you need a life story for.

At cocktail parties and coffee hours, what would you talk about if you couldn't exchange episodes of your story with others? "What are you? What do you do?" Try avoiding the question and they'll be wondering what you have to hide.

The way you deepen your friendships with others is to reveal ever more sensitive parts of your life story.

And if you are job hunting, you'd better have stories about the things you've done before.

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